I began to ask more questions and soften my edges (I always saw myself as soft because of my unwanted curves, but was I have soft with myself and others?)
Thank you for being so open with sharing these complicated and deep feelings. Reading what you wrote made me realize that after many years, I think I may have actually managed to let go of many of those similar feelings. While I still may not have the strongest sense of self worth, after going through divorce, losing my mom, coping with breast cancer and then having my only child move overseas… I’m just too worn out by life’s challenges to care so much anymore about the perception of worth by myself or anyone else! I just try to get through each day the best that I can and try to fully appreciate every moment of beauty and joy and every opportunity to give and receive kindness and love. ♥️
Thank you Alice for sharing your newsletter. As always, your words always inspire to reflect on myself and how to become a better person to my family and friends. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have been through difficult times having heard “ You have Breast Cancer” and “Here are your treatment options “. For me, it first felt like an out of body experience, then it hit me….and I felt all alone even though my incredible family were there to support me in every aspect of this journey. I will be forever grateful to you for the beautiful community you created, you guided me through this darkness and made me feel i wasn’t alone. Today, i struggle with incredible side effects from my treatment, that i don’t always share, making days painful and exhausting. I look in the mirror at a “new” me after post mastectomy reconstruction surgery and trying to accept what i see, it is very hard. My crazy life was turned upside down May 2021 and saying “Why Me”? It wasn’t until after my Bilateral Mastectomy did i come to terms with “Why NOT Me, i am no more special or important than any other person going through this”. It allowed me to accept my diagnosis and make a promise to myself and family, I will fight this! I know i have my family’s support to help me fight this, but unfortunately lost friendships that I will miss. Your words help me understand how important it is to stay in the moment, wrap my arms around those who support me and want to be there through it all. I don’t want to waste time holding on to regret, anger, or my insecurities. I have a big heart, but i have to accept and respect that others may not feel the same way. Your newsletters resonates with me, allowing me to reflect on my own life, my own insecurities, my own challenges and imperfections. Thank you for this Alice, thank you for creating a place that is safe and accepting🩷
A year or so into my sobriety, I remember asking my then-sponsor: "When is my life getting better?"
I was angry and felt entitled to a 'prize', a reward for having done the right thing, something good.
"Life is life, Alice," she said to me, "life doesn't get better for you, but you'll get better at dealing with life."
I used to live in victim-mode: why me? Why not me?
Now I see what she meant, I am no more special or less special than anyone, life is life and as we grow up (or older) we gain tools to gracefully (at times) dealing with it.
Thank you Beth 🩷. I sincerely appreciate your words and support. I know everyone who goes through something like this handles it differently, but as I shared with my doctor….hearing breast cancer is like i have post traumatic stress disorder because having lost my Mom at a young age from breast and then my dad shortly afterwards. My doctor, said it’s not “like” it is PTSD. She said everything i was going through is expected 😥. What got me through dark days is talking to others and especially to those who have been or still are going through this. Thank you so much 🩷
Back to back trauma can really be overwhelming and so triggering. Totally understandable and we do the best we can... one day at a time... sometimes one hour at a time! It’s a huge blessing to have caring support to help us through but those ‘friends’ who judge or try to shame us over our need to process and grieve in our own way and in our own timeframe are not conducive to healing and we shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to keep that negativity away from us.
Regarding the feelings you write about, I honestly think they are universal, or at least very common. Can you believe I used to question my friends? Why would I want to be friends with someone that wanted to be friends with me? There must be something wrong with them if they want to spend time with me. So twisted. That is how low my opinion was of myself. I’ve worked on letting those thoughts go and believing I am actually worthy of other people’s love. Thank goodness because my friends are the most amazing women!
The older I get the more determined I am to lose those joy limiting thoughts. We only have so much time and we need to let go of the negativity and experience the beauty of life. Thank you for reminding us.
Hooray! I finally fixed my Apple Pay. It wasn’t allowing me to pay for the subscription bc one digit on my zip code was off.
Alice, I appreciate your honesty and authenticity so much!
I didn’t realize I was having a depression moment until I felt the weight of it. Lying in bed, not wanting to move.
Here is my method to keep my mental health balanced. I walk! I go outside, turn my phone off, and enjoy the moment I’m in. I breathe the fresh mountain air, I look at our glorious views. And I breathe(again!), life is a series of checks and balances. And it is notorious for throwing us curves!!
I’m sorry Veronica. I lived with an alcoholic for 3 years. It wasn’t all bad, but at times I could barely stand it. Alcohol intensified his reaction to any situation. At times it was embarrassing.
I’m glad you are able to get away and get some peace. We all need more of that!
That sounds like a lot to deal with ❤️It’s good that you have a support system. Hopefully you can make another cooking class. I find them so fun and uplifting, plus they’ve made me a better cook!
Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to be the first one to share.
It’s been a delight having you in this community.
Thank you for your support and for opening up the conversation.
Thank you for being so open with sharing these complicated and deep feelings. Reading what you wrote made me realize that after many years, I think I may have actually managed to let go of many of those similar feelings. While I still may not have the strongest sense of self worth, after going through divorce, losing my mom, coping with breast cancer and then having my only child move overseas… I’m just too worn out by life’s challenges to care so much anymore about the perception of worth by myself or anyone else! I just try to get through each day the best that I can and try to fully appreciate every moment of beauty and joy and every opportunity to give and receive kindness and love. ♥️
Thank you Alice for sharing your newsletter. As always, your words always inspire to reflect on myself and how to become a better person to my family and friends. Over the last 2 1/2 years I have been through difficult times having heard “ You have Breast Cancer” and “Here are your treatment options “. For me, it first felt like an out of body experience, then it hit me….and I felt all alone even though my incredible family were there to support me in every aspect of this journey. I will be forever grateful to you for the beautiful community you created, you guided me through this darkness and made me feel i wasn’t alone. Today, i struggle with incredible side effects from my treatment, that i don’t always share, making days painful and exhausting. I look in the mirror at a “new” me after post mastectomy reconstruction surgery and trying to accept what i see, it is very hard. My crazy life was turned upside down May 2021 and saying “Why Me”? It wasn’t until after my Bilateral Mastectomy did i come to terms with “Why NOT Me, i am no more special or important than any other person going through this”. It allowed me to accept my diagnosis and make a promise to myself and family, I will fight this! I know i have my family’s support to help me fight this, but unfortunately lost friendships that I will miss. Your words help me understand how important it is to stay in the moment, wrap my arms around those who support me and want to be there through it all. I don’t want to waste time holding on to regret, anger, or my insecurities. I have a big heart, but i have to accept and respect that others may not feel the same way. Your newsletters resonates with me, allowing me to reflect on my own life, my own insecurities, my own challenges and imperfections. Thank you for this Alice, thank you for creating a place that is safe and accepting🩷
A year or so into my sobriety, I remember asking my then-sponsor: "When is my life getting better?"
I was angry and felt entitled to a 'prize', a reward for having done the right thing, something good.
"Life is life, Alice," she said to me, "life doesn't get better for you, but you'll get better at dealing with life."
I used to live in victim-mode: why me? Why not me?
Now I see what she meant, I am no more special or less special than anyone, life is life and as we grow up (or older) we gain tools to gracefully (at times) dealing with it.
Thank you for sharing and for participating.
I relate to this as well... it’s hard not to believe that the “universe” didn’t have a hand in connecting us as it did. ♥️
🩷🩷🩷🩷
I resonate with so much of what you shared here, Eileen... please know my heart goes out to you and feel free to reach out anytime. ♥️
Thank you Beth 🩷. I sincerely appreciate your words and support. I know everyone who goes through something like this handles it differently, but as I shared with my doctor….hearing breast cancer is like i have post traumatic stress disorder because having lost my Mom at a young age from breast and then my dad shortly afterwards. My doctor, said it’s not “like” it is PTSD. She said everything i was going through is expected 😥. What got me through dark days is talking to others and especially to those who have been or still are going through this. Thank you so much 🩷
Back to back trauma can really be overwhelming and so triggering. Totally understandable and we do the best we can... one day at a time... sometimes one hour at a time! It’s a huge blessing to have caring support to help us through but those ‘friends’ who judge or try to shame us over our need to process and grieve in our own way and in our own timeframe are not conducive to healing and we shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to keep that negativity away from us.
💜💜💜
Regarding the feelings you write about, I honestly think they are universal, or at least very common. Can you believe I used to question my friends? Why would I want to be friends with someone that wanted to be friends with me? There must be something wrong with them if they want to spend time with me. So twisted. That is how low my opinion was of myself. I’ve worked on letting those thoughts go and believing I am actually worthy of other people’s love. Thank goodness because my friends are the most amazing women!
The older I get the more determined I am to lose those joy limiting thoughts. We only have so much time and we need to let go of the negativity and experience the beauty of life. Thank you for reminding us.
Wow, Liz. I would have never guessed that about you.
All I see, when I interact with you, is a beautiful, strong and self-confident woman I want to learn from.
How interesting that others perceive us so differently from how we perceive ourselves.
You mentioned 'the older you get' and I think these conversations are part of growing up, aging in the most beautiful sense.
Thank you for sharing.
That last paragraph Liz! Yes!! 🎯
Hooray! I finally fixed my Apple Pay. It wasn’t allowing me to pay for the subscription bc one digit on my zip code was off.
Alice, I appreciate your honesty and authenticity so much!
I didn’t realize I was having a depression moment until I felt the weight of it. Lying in bed, not wanting to move.
Here is my method to keep my mental health balanced. I walk! I go outside, turn my phone off, and enjoy the moment I’m in. I breathe the fresh mountain air, I look at our glorious views. And I breathe(again!), life is a series of checks and balances. And it is notorious for throwing us curves!!
🩷
I’m sorry Veronica. I lived with an alcoholic for 3 years. It wasn’t all bad, but at times I could barely stand it. Alcohol intensified his reaction to any situation. At times it was embarrassing.
I’m glad you are able to get away and get some peace. We all need more of that!
That sounds like a lot to deal with ❤️It’s good that you have a support system. Hopefully you can make another cooking class. I find them so fun and uplifting, plus they’ve made me a better cook!
🩷